Let's get ready for some serious shift. This is a podcast shifting Inside Out hosted by your quantum shifter Angela McCourt, we are diving into ways to empower and enable a quantum shift. Inspiring topics hacks and guest speakers take us on a journey around authenticity, challenging status quo, personal power and living a purpose filled life. All right, I wanted to talk about identity today. And this is one of the chapters that I have in my book, Love your gifts permission to revolutionize authenticity in the workplace. And there are two ways that I that I introduce this topic. One is how you actually show up to work, whether it's in your own authentic way, or whether you adapt to how others in the workplace are showing up as well. This could be at an individual level, maybe, maybe you could be modeling or mirroring another person that you may actually respect, you may want to seek their approval, you may want to be noticed by them, or you just appreciate a lot of qualities around them. And so sometimes what we do is we'll almost take on, out of mirroring, and modeling and reflecting how that person may come across, and our own identity and in our own way of showing up. And you know, this can be a healthy thing, but it can be very unhealthy. And the unhealthy way is, let's say, you're starting to engage, and that person is like, Oh, this is interesting, this person is very much like me, do you think there's going to be trust there? No, probably not. And do you think you're going to show up with everything that you have to offer? Probably not because you're not in your authentic skin, the amount of energy that we use, when we try to mimic when we try to mirror when we try to reflect someone else's identity, someone else's personality in the workplace, it actually ends up draining us. And it's hard to keep up on like, we use so much energy just trying to Who am I with this person on a daily basis. Now, the other point that I want to make in the workplace, that's a really interesting observation I had, over many, many years of working with teams and working with groups is a team almost has its own identity. So it's really interesting to see it's almost like its own organism in a way. And teams actually kind of come together, they gel together, they almost have this separate identity as a collective. And it may be made up of of an authentic, you know, pieces that not everybody aligns to on that team. But nevertheless, it comes across a certain way. So when someone is trying to kind of connect with that team, or they're really trying to collaborate in a in a really positive way, one of the things they might do is take on that identity of that team, they'll actually try to mirror and match that identity. And what can happen is, again, it's noticed that this doesn't seem like who this person is, and then trust is not built or trust is broken. So there's some really amazing things that you can do to just kind of, you know, break through that feeling of needing to show up a certain way just to be accepted by a group or by someone in general. And then also, if you are using others as a model, and you're really trying to improve yourself, and you're doing that, just be really careful that you don't lose yourself, I always say you can show up however you want, as long as it's in your authentic skin, like I still have a piece of you. That is you. Because if you get too far away from you, it becomes a lie. And that's not how you want to live your life. Now the other part of identity is something I've lived through very deeply and I didn't even realize it was happening. And I just want to talk about identity for a quick second before I go into the story which I share in my book. Identity is you have many identities first of all, so and this will make even more sense as I explained this story a bit. You have many identities you have an identity as a daughter or a son you have identity as a sibling, you have identity as a parent, you have an identity as being married as a wife, as a as a as a husband, you have an identity as someone who is involved in their church or involved in their community who is a volunteer, you have an identity as a volunteer have an identity as a hard worker, you have an identity within many components of your life. And over time these identities change. As I went from being married to divorced I was a single mother so as a single mother my identity was very different. and sometimes we get kind of sucked into those identities where it becomes us, even though it really is more of just a label that we're sitting in. And at a point in time in our life. It's really interesting though, when it comes to work, and it comes to our companies that we work for I was with my last company for over 21 years, I was a very, I call myself a very loyal soldier, I did pretty much anything, they asked any special project, regardless of whether I really had the energy, the time or the desire to do it, I was always there, I always did it. And what happened as I became really sucked into the company is it became my identity. And so I started realizing, probably about five years ago, how I was introducing myself, I would be, you know, basically in a, in an introduction, introductory meeting with someone, whether it was actually in a work environment with a vendor or whatnot, or in a personal environment. And I would introduce myself as a leader of the Cisco team. And I'm like, this disco practice. And I'm like, well, that's kind of weird, because I'm also a mother. I'm also a wife. I'm also a nature lover. I'm also a community advocate, I sit on boards, I have a lot of other components to who I am out in the community out in my life out in the world. But I honed in on this aspect of the, the types of the job and here was the interesting thing. I rarely ever said my title. It was just about this evolution in this connection to the company into what I was doing there, what I was responsible for there, not necessarily who I was. So I started to get a little like exploratory with this, I started changing up how I was introducing myself, I started to become much more aware of how I was a not only being connected to you know, this identity, but also how I was sharing that with the world. And one of the funny things that I did an interview and it was this was like a written interview, that Brian O'Neill who did this amazing work a couple of years ago to showcase women in tech during international women's month. He was so fabulous to keep how I introduced myself. And here's how I did it. I wrote I'm an INFJ, a Myers Briggs, di disk ISTP Maverick manifesting generator to son an Aquarius moon and Taurus rising Virgo Sirius A Avalonian. Now, here's the interesting thing. And I'm very sarcastic in my book, when I reintroduce this this title, this kind of title, or how I introduce myself, people who are into personality tests, people who are into astrology, people who are into Enneagram, like these things mean a lot. And they could probably figure me out by reading that one sentence and who I actually am and what my qualities are, what my personality is where my emotional states are, they could figure me out in like, three minutes. But giving a title or an introduction of my latest Cisco practice gives nothing other than, Oh, you're responsible for a team and a business. Okay. But what my point is, is that when it becomes you, is when it gets dangerous. And I'll give just a quick explanation of how my whole discovery around this went. But the title is a big thing. And I actually have a make the shift, where you create a new title over new, rather a new introduction of yourself. And I think this is a really great way just to kind of stop and think about it. And it's funny, because as I've been doing all my podcast, my guests, I'm like, I want you to introduce yourself, but don't just give your title, like, showcase who you are. And we've had introductions that are all over the place, because people just are so used to introducing themselves from a work vantage point, and a company vantage point and not necessarily who they are and what they actually bring into the whole world, not just the workplace. So about three years ago, I maybe three and a half years ago, I was at the point where I was pretty much like at my wit's end. I was sitting in this masculine energy that I had been living living in and being successful in for a very long time, but it was totally draining me. And I was feeling very unbalanced and as a I was going through energy work with a wonderful healer in St. Pete, we started to meet like every three weeks. And so I had these topics, you know, that I wanted to dive into. And I had them kind of planned out, because that's what I do, I plan. And one of the topics I wanted to do was my identity to my company. And so I wanted to dive into that. And I wanted to start unraveling that. And it's interesting because I had set it for a certain date, and that date was January 3. So I'm on my way, I was off that that week, because it was, you know, holiday time. So I was off that weekend, I'm driving to my appointment. And I realized what day it was, I'm like, Oh, my gosh, today's the day and I started thinking about how I wanted to approach diving into this identity crisis right away, I was looking at it. And I was like, Oh, my gosh, it's January 3, it was my 20th anniversary. And so with the company, and so it was not just meant to be it was like this, like very ceremonial exploration, and beginning that I needed to be able to release that to move forward in my life. It's what it ended up coming to you a couple years later. And this whole process was so eye opening to me, because I didn't realize how connected that identity which was my major, my number one primary identity was connected to my company. And so it took about six months for that unraveling to finish what I mean by finishes, I felt free from it. And I finally started like standing up in different ways. And, you know, really just bringing more, I would say, robust ideas to the table and say no to things that I was like, No, I'm not gonna do that, which ended up being you know, as I as I finally left, like over a year and a half later, it was it was around this sense of freedom, breaking the chains and the breaking the chains was me being attached identity wise to the company doesn't mean that you always have to leave, it just means that you need to have the freedom, you need to have that freedom away from just being about work, just being about the company just being about a title, just being about the amount of responsibility that you have. Because that's not life. And by the way, it will not make you happy at all. So I really, really hone in on Chapter Four on these two areas all around identity, I hope you get the book if you haven't gotten it yet. There's a whole workbook also. And when I talk about make the shift, you have this workbook that you can actually go through the exercises, I'm making the shift. Now the one thing I wanted to just quickly share on the workbook is in chapter four, you have the exercise where you're going to kind of rewrite your introduction, which is really great. And you can even have two introductions, you can have one that's more for personal settings, and you can have one that's more for the professional setting. But one of the things that I think is really, really important is how to find balance in the workplace. So like I said, you don't have to quit your job just because you're unraveling from your identity of it or you're softening your identity, or you're balancing it out how we basically identity identify with our work with our teams with our title with whatever it is even income, some people identify really heavily with how much money they make. It's all about finding the balance, okay, so how you spend your time and energy, what gives you energy, what drains your energy, setting your goals and priorities, short and long term, and making sure that they're in alignment with your values, as well as with what you really truly want. Now, not what you wanted a year ago that you still haven't accomplished. And so you're just carrying it over, redefining, redefining, really digging in. And then self reflection. This is a big one. And I think this is where I got stuck in this loyal soldier identity was because I did not take the time to really focus on aligning, you know, to where I was and how I'd been shifting in my own personal being in life. And to you know, be able to see that I was hung up on this as not just a primary identity and who I was but the biggest chunk of primary identity that I associated with. Not even that I maybe practice because as a mother. I was obviously very much a mother as a wife. It was very much a wife, but I did Share that it was more about the work piece, and then setting boundaries. So this was the other part that I feel where I got a little off track maybe became the loyal soldier. I didn't set the boundaries, I didn't learn to say no, thank you until very late in this journey. And you know, what I did do is I really started to preserve my time and, and weekends and vacations and stuff I stopped working many, many years ago. And I think that's super important. But there are other boundaries that you can set as well, including how much responsibility you're being given? And is the work really relevant that you're being asked to do? Like, what is sometimes we're just given busy work, and you have the right to challenge that everybody has the right to challenge? And your challenge just has to do with? Does this align with our strategy? Does this align with our vision? Is this where you want me spending my genius gifts, talents and time doing? Or is this something that really doesn't need to be done now? And then, the biggest one, I think that can help us is how we show up in a way that's not so serious. So stop taking ourselves so serious, actually enjoy a little bit more laughter, laugh at ourselves, laugh at ourselves, if we make a mistake, because it's okay, we're human. And you know, just really being able to balance out how much fun we have with how hard we work. And one of the mottos that my team had, which I loved my Cisco team so much, they were amazing. I miss them so much. Work hard, play hard. And we did. And we did it together, we did it in a partnership. And we did it inclusively. And we did it in a way that was sponsoring of each other that modeled and mirrored you know, the types of people we weren't leaders we were and to our team, and you know, really engaging and empowering and enabling our team to be the best they can be. And I see so many of our team members, who five years ago, we're not even in management, who are now directors and other companies and other other places. And it's so amazing to see them come to their full potential and all of the possibilities that they have. But that is because you have to show up in your authentic skin. You have to balance your identities across each other. And you have to show up when I say authentic skin. When you're introducing yourself. Talk about some of the things that really light you up talk about some of the things that you're very interested in not just the work or the title or the area of responsibility or the amount of responsibility that is not who you are. Talk about who you are. So I hope you enjoy the book. I will pop it again for another review. I think I want to hit on expectations next. That's a big one that's been coming up lately. So I hope you enjoy talk to you later.