Let's get ready for some serious shift. This is a podcast shifting inside out hosted by your quantum shifter Angela McCourt, we're diving into ways to empower and enable a quantum shift. Inspiring topics hacks and guest speakers take us on a journey around authenticity, challenging status quo, personal power and living a purpose filled life. I'm going to do another solo episode. And this time I want to talk about self sabotage. self sabotage is something that we don't necessarily always see or identify when we're doing it. But it is something that can impact us, especially in the workplace. And really, what self sabotage is, is it's behaviors or thought patterns that basically hold you back and prevent you from doing what you want to do. Another way to think about this is like you're getting in your own way. self sabotage is when a bad habit can interfere with maybe one of your long term goals, it can actually create problems for you and even cause derailment, so things that you're trying to improve or accomplish, ends up becoming something that is sabotaged by you. And it's interesting, because this can happen everywhere in life. But honestly, where I've struggled with it the most as well as where I've seen other struggle with self sabotage the most is in the workplace. So I figured you know what I'm going to tackle this, this is definitely one of those topics that fit into shifting from the inside out. And this is something that each of us not only has the opportunity to do the work on. But honestly, it's something we can support each other on as well. So I think the more we talk about it, and the more we can identify it in ourselves, the more we can start identifying it in others and help them on their journey to the way that self sabotage shows up is not always extremely obvious. So I thought, you know what, I did a bunch of research to really dive into this topic and give you some value. And I wanted to just go through a lot of the different ways that either I found through the research or through my own observations of myself and others, of where this can show up, and basically kind of how it actually impacts you. And the reason for doing this part first is because I think you're going to probably resonate with some of these areas of self sabotage. So I'm going to go through and just touch on a pretty extensive list of self sabotaging types of behaviors first. So when we think about, you know, the fear of not asking questions, or not speaking your truth, when that happens, because maybe you're afraid others will judge you or because you might be a people pleaser. I have that tendency to that, you know, when you're afraid to ask the questions. A lot of times you end up in assumption only, or kind of maybe not speaking up or giving your input. And when that happens, your voice is not heard. And ultimately, the outcome of that is that you end up self sabotaging yourself, you end up self sabotaging maybe the beliefs or ideas that you might have had. And this is a really interesting and kind of easy way, in my opinion, to identify the self sabotage and then do something about it. The other is blaming others when things go wrong, a lot of times in the workplace, we call this finger pointing, yeah, finger pointing is a big bad self sabotaging thing. And you know, ultimately, the reason we're doing it is out of fear. It's out of fear of looking bad, it's out of fear of humility, it's not accepting accountability. And when there is a lack of accountability, it ends up leading to a lack of achievement. And this is really important, I think, to identify if you have these tendencies of blaming others, of you know, immediately jumping to somebody else did this, that that is actually a way of self sabotage, you will end up in this loop for a very long time until you can break it. One of the big ones I've seen and dealt with myself is fear failure. And fear failure can actually create this kind of lack of courage. It can also cause you to stay in your comfort zone forever. Because you're just afraid to put yourself out there you're afraid to try something new or you're afraid to, you know that you're going to look bad. And the fear of failure is a really interesting one because a lot of times Because of this, we're also afraid to go for another job or a promotion, or to go back to school and learn something new. Because we're afraid, oh, what if I don't achieve this, what if this doesn't happen, we might even be afraid to bring ideas forward. And when you don't bring her ideas forward and your solutions, guess what, you don't get credit for those things that could end up leading to a promotion, or more income, or just more visibility for you. And on the other hand, what's interesting, and I've learned this over the past quite a few years, I would say, that nobody really talks about is also the fear of success. And then there's another component to fear of success we'll talk about in a minute. But the fear of success is an interesting one. Because this is one that I I mentor and coach a lot of people on, when especially they're going from, like, let's say, an individual contributor position into a manager position, and what's their number one fear, I'm going to have more stress, what's their number two fear, I won't have as much time or energy for my family. And what then happens, they don't go for an apply for that position, until somebody brings to light which usually I try to do this, that well, wait a minute, if you're already have stress in your job, you already have more than a 40 Hour Workweek, what's the difference? It's a matter of balancing and managing it. But ultimately, it's that fear of success, it's that fear of moving forward, it's that fear of making more money, it's that fear of having more visibility, it's that fear of possibly more accountability, that ends up causing us to sabotage that. And another part to this which can come from childhood actually into adulthood even is the fear about shining others. So when we get to a point of having an opportunity, and this could be in work, this could be in buying a house or buying a car, or, you know, getting a promotion. And you're no longer sidestep side by side with a sibling or with a co worker, that you started at the company with or with observations and or expectations of your parents, right, because they let a certain life had a certain type of career now, you could possibly be out shining them. The fact is, is that you will sabotage it because you will not out shine especially family. But you will also be at risk of sabotaging yourself with those and out shining peers, when out shining, those who you've always felt equal to. And now you're going to be in this possible momentum of of stepping ahead of them, that you will definitely sabotage that. So keep in mind fear of success and fear of outshining others could definitely be something that you struggle with or deal with in your life, and how to identify this. This was one of my fear of not being loyal. And you know, in the fear of not being loyal, especially to your company, or to maybe your your manager or your leader, you won't speak up, you won't speak against something that you see that is should not be happening that might be happening, there is definitely this sense of will, it will make me look like I'm not loyal. So I can't, can't go that route. And a lot of times, it's just a matter of how you say it, it's just a matter of how you approach it, it's not a matter of you're not being loyal to them, it's not a matter of you're not, you know, bringing forward your best self that they expect. It's a matter of you're speaking for something that you see and believe in, and you're speaking your truth, feeling fundamentally flawed. This is this is a good one. So and this can pop up in different ways. It doesn't necessarily mean that in your current job, that you may have this feeling or in your job in general that you have this feeling, but it could pop up in an area that maybe you're not very comfortable with. And so immediately you start maybe doing some negative self talk, and your confidence goes down and you say well, I didn't major in some kind of Finance. So I can't speak to that side of my job or business. And what you do is you get yourself to this point that you're fundamentally flawed, and so you don't end up pursuing or you don't end up sharing your ideas or having the conversations that maybe you are wanting to. And you know what's interesting about the fear of the unknown, and this is one of the self sabotaging things is some of us really have this, like complete desire and human need for certainty. And certainty is I think good when there are certain maybe areas in your life but it's not something that maybe you want to live by For your entire life or for your entire career, because what is certainty bring, it brings a very specific path, it brings a very steady path, and you end up missing opportunities. So with fear of unknown, the fear of unknown sometimes can be really exciting. Actually, it can take you on an adventure, it can open up new doors, it doesn't pigeonhole you into a certain path, and actually gives you inspiration as well. So instead of being sabotaged by the fear of unknown, you can actually turn this around. And in certain parts, just give yourself a little bit of flexibility, and a little bit of room to explore, taking adventure, switching focus. So I don't know if anybody's ever done this. But when you are really focused on something, and you're trying to achieve this goal, and you're really, you know, working hard to make it happen. And as soon as you get close to achieving that, you switch your focus. Amazing, huh, how many of us have actually done this, I know, I've done this many times. And I always thought it was I got bored, I always thought it was what wasn't as challenging anymore, I was thought, well, it's almost there. So I'm just gonna, you know, get ready, move on to the next thing. But instead, it's actually a form of self sabotaging. And the self sabotage is that you don't end up achieving that very first thing that you were focused on for so long or so deeply. So this is definitely an area that you may experience and that you should definitely identify when you're doing this fear of losing control. This is a really big one for a lot of people. And there's some sub components to this, I think, too. perfectionism is one, you know, the fear of losing control, is meaning you have to be on all the time, you have to be perfect all the time, you have to have your kind of hands on everything, everybody has to be doing exactly what you need them to be doing. And everything has to be working out perfectly, otherwise you don't feel like you have control. And when you do this, the outcome of the self sabotage part is that you burn out, it can cause stagnation. And it can also cause isolation, because you're in your own world, you know, you're in this own world of, of trying to control all of these external things, and sometimes you end up blocking out the other external things like people or opportunities, or even ideas, you know, that that could bring you some kind of sense of, of solution or movement forward. So this is a really important one, the fear of missing out. And I've seen this quite a bit where people who are you know, maybe kind of switching around a lot, you know, they're they're in one job, and then they see this other shiny object over here. And then they go in, they switch jobs, and they're never finding like stability and or even happiness sometimes, but they're so afraid that they're going to miss out if they don't take that opportunity. And if they don't, and, you know, really trying something new. And so they end up self sabotaging themselves. Because as you're doing all those jumps around, you may not actually really want it. And when you don't really want something and you're stuck in it, guess what you end up resenting it, and you end up not having not being happy about it. So the fear of missing out can actually cause some of these other issues. Second, guessing everything you do, you know, this ties into confidence quite a bit, I would say. But when you when you think about when you're constantly second guessing, especially if it's something you may not feel you're really experienced at or you have a lot of knowledge about. And what can happen is it slows you down, can create delays in whatever you're trying to accomplish. And honestly, it ends up causing you more work and more time to do the work. But the second guessing yourself can also delay you in submitting your plans, presenting your ideas, challenging something that you know should be challenged, and immediately you're like passionate about it. And immediately you start second guessing yourself. And when you start second guessing everything you do, you're going to miss out on opportunities, you're going to miss out on opportunities to speak up and to present your ideas. So I mentioned perfectionism, perfectionism is definitely one of the self sabotaging areas that I've had. Not so much from completing work, but I will go into this a little bit, believing that you must do everything perfect. I've seen so many people like not present their plans and not present do until they had it perfectly figured out and I'm going but wait a minute, you're never going to get it launched. You're never going to get it out there. And if you're waiting for perfection, and so the perfectionism in being a perfectionist can tell Definitely sabotage what you're trying to achieve. Another one is gossiping. So I have never been the gossiper in the workplace, I'm actually very much against it. Um, sometimes there are discussions that need to happen. But I view gossip as having some kind of ill intent, it's not necessarily a good intention. And, you know, there's the spider web that people can get into an especially office gossip. And it can actually end up leading to self doubt and self criticism. And so the self sabotaging component here of gossiping, is just that, that basically what you're putting out into the world is going to come back on you. So I highly recommend identifying when you're possibly gossiping, and not in a good, intentional way, avoiding change. So this is really interesting. This is something that I definitely personally have dealt with. I've also seen others deal with it, especially in career and job situations. And this is where, you know, you need to make the change. And you don't, it's when like, your head is kind of rolling over your heart, and all of that logical stuff. And all of those limiting beliefs and all of the scarcity mindset come into play. And the fears override your judgement of the fact that maybe your values are not in alignment with the job that you currently have anymore. But you're still there, and you're still pushing through it. And you're avoiding change. And so the avoiding the change itself is actually the self sabotage here, what ends up happening is you end up resenting, as well, as you end up just in an just not a happy place. So I highly recommend, you know, when you're when you're thinking about and, or when you know, you're supposed to be making changes, this goes for anywhere in life. And you're not, you're avoiding it, this is definitely self sabotage. And then also, on the other hand, is the need for change. And, you know, sometimes we get into this loop, a lot of times, we feel that the need for change is underlying, because maybe we're bored, or we don't feel challenged anymore. But sometimes the result of that means switching jobs or taking on too much. And it gets confused with really what your outcome might be. And then there's believing you will be rewarded for hard work and seniority. Yeah, this is actually a very big hack on self sabotage. This is something I definitely believed in for a very long time in the corporate world, if I just work hard enough, if I just put in the hours, if I just get the results. If I just show how my loyalty is to this company, then it will be recognized and I will be rewarded. And you know, because I've been here so long, that'll happen. But honestly trusting in something that is never guaranteed leads to basically sacrifices in other areas of your life, have lived it firsthand. So you know, this is one that it ends up becoming self sabotaging. And the reason I say that is because when you're in that mindset, one you're sacrificing obviously balance in your life, but also you could be sacrificing maybe opportunities that pop up. Because you think well I don't want to start over and you know, I'm comfortable where I am. And I know all of these people and I know the company know the process. And so just sticking to believing that you will be rewarded for your hard work and seniority ends up missing, it causes you to miss out on opportunities elsewhere. You work too hard, working too hard as definitely a self sabotage. Thinking that the hours in will bring results and not balancing yourself in the meantime is definitely self sabotage over committing taking on too much, which can cause failure in some way meaning either you aren't going to be able to do your best at each of the things in the job or your body will suffer or your relationship will suffer or your parenting will suffer your children will suffer other family members or your maybe creative inspiration or experienced side will suffer because you don't end up spending the time being able to enjoy your hobbies or enjoy downtime because you're over committed to too many things. So overdrive is definitely one of the self sabotaging things that many of us do and that's where we're constantly setting the bar higher and higher for ourselves. But a lot of times we keep pushing past before we actually can even achieve that first goal. And ultimately, because we just keep going in these increments and just keep raising the bar, we're not actually looking into the future, at that ultimate goal, where do we want to be? What do we want to do, we're just kind of in this time track, and ultimately kind of pushing ourselves just to go incrementally Higher, higher, higher. And ultimately, this is a form of self sabotaging. I mentioned earlier about people pleasing. And people pleasing is definitely a sense of self self sabotage, when you don't speak your truth, because you're afraid of how others might receive it, or accept you, or reject you. Instead, you give in to what others want. And ultimately, what does this do causes resentment. And it also causes you to miss out on being able to give your input and your ideas on certain things. So when people pleasing, is that is that play, there's definitely a lot here that I think comes back from childhood. And ultimately, you know, probably in your classroom and at home, there's definitely those two areas where you spent the majority of your childhood, and ultimately, where you learned how to people, please. And what that sacrifice ends up being for you is your true authentic self and speaking your truth, waiting to be rescued. Oh, I love the victim one. Yeah, so victim mode is definitely a form of self sabotage, it's also living in effect versus cause. So basically, everything is happening to you, and you have no control over it. But waiting to be rescued. And sitting in that mode is a form of self sabotage. And what that means is you could be waiting there forever. If you're never taking the actions to move forward on something or to make changes, then you're going to be sitting there for a very long time. And that holds you back. Okay, dwelling in negative space. So I look at this as like punishing yourself, like, just sit in this negative mood, negative space because you don't feel you deserve positive. And I'm going to talk a little bit about this in a second about what happens when good things when things are going good in the self sabotage around that, but you don't feel you deserve it. So you're gonna just sit and dwell in that negative space. So self doubt, we kind of touched on this a little bit, but I'm gonna call this out specifically as self doubt, when you don't believe that you can achieve something so you don't try it. This is a really big self sabotage one and you know, there's a lot of things that in factors I would say that lead into this one of them is maybe the limiting beliefs that you have, that you've, you know, collected over your lifetime. The other is just a lack of confidence in general which can be built, as well as maybe what others have told you and or experiences that you've had. So self doubt can definitely be self sabotaging. And it can keep you from making the decisions and making the choices to do things that you know could further your life could help you get your, towards your goals, and all of those really great, amazing things. So really identify when you see this popping up, letting your emotions rule. So I kind of look at this as and I'm very much about being in touch with our emotions, but always expressing them as maybe not the environment, especially at work. But it's it is about showing your authentic self, it's just not about living in drama. So it's how do you take that emotion and turn it into something that is tangible, turn it into something that you can take action on, turn it into something that you can basically find solutions around, versus what can happen. When you kind of live in this drama, you push others away, and it keeps the perpetual motion of living and drama and play. So letting your emotions rule is definitely self sabotaging. not sharing the successes you're having. This is a big one that I've seen, I've dealt with myself. You know, nobody wants to brag. But in a world of especially corporate environment where things are moving very fast, there is a lot of structure. There is a you know, typically a lot of layers and hierarchy, that you definitely want to make sure that the impact you're making are known and seen. And it's been really challenging, but one of probably one of the bigger, challenging conversations in coaching and mentoring over the years has been around helping people to figure out ways to showcase what they're doing without crossing the line of bragging because they don't want to brag they want to show up humble. They want to show up in their authentic skin and they're human in their own humility, but they also feel like one, there's definitely an opportunity, you know, to kind of bring more visibility to themselves and that they are doing a good job and they like a pat on the back. But also, it's not always just about the pat on the back, sometimes it's out of fear of others taking credit for what they're doing. So there is this definitely self sabotaging when we're not sharing the successes and when we're not talking about them, or when we're not bringing visibility to ourselves. And so this is a really big self sabotaging one that I've definitely seen a lot of over the years, lack insight into yourself and others, oh, this is a big one. Feedback is key, whether we want to hear it or not, when we just shut off from really understanding who we are self awareness, our internal stories, our own beliefs and values. And we are also not acknowledging that in others, it really becomes self sabotaging. Without them, you will be misaligned in your life. And you'll be misaligned in your work environment. And you will you will definitely have I would say walls up and imprison yourself from from the outside world. I've obviously that's pretty self sabotaging when I put it that way, right. Okay, giving into imposter syndrome. And this is a really important one, this comes up a lot. And it's been very, I would say much more visible over the past few years and more and more people talking about it. This is something that I would say, high achievers and overachiever syndromes actually have more of this going on. And the self sabotage here is is the telling yourself that you don't deserve the job you have, or what if they find out that maybe you're not as qualified for this job, or, let's say you start maybe doubting your role in influencing and impacting results and outcomes. You know, this is definitely influenced by this imposter syndrome. It's a really big one. Oh, choosing to walk away when things don't go smoothly. A lot of times, we say I'm done, I'm out. I'm not going down this path. But you know that this is this is in everything this is in jobs, it's in relationships, it's in promotions, it could be that maybe we're afraid of conflict, or afraid of criticism, maybe we doubt our own ability. And, and these are things that can cause us to then walk away when things aren't perfect when they don't go smoothly. And when it becomes a little bit uncomfortable. We just say, okay, we're done. And I believe that this also comes stems from childhood as well. And, you know, it could be, you know, maybe parents that fought or, you know, siblings that got into conflict. And you may not have wanted to be part of that conflict. Conflict is a big one, I think that many people try to avoid, especially if they may have dealt with it in childhood. But the simplest way was for you to shut down, get small walk away, and not deal with it and not be part of it. And so this can show up in in the workplace, this can show up as adults as well. procrastination. This is a really big one, I just had a mentoring call a couple of weeks ago, where, you know, he was like beating himself up because he was such a procrastinator. And I'm like, well wait a minute. Let's define procrastination. Procrastination, as a self sabotaging mechanism is actually you know, kind of creates this lack of motivation, you end up diverting your attention to something else. But you know, there are underlying feelings to procrastination, that are, I would say, a little bit more legitimate. One is feeling overwhelmed by what you need to do. And that could be maybe not clearly understanding what you need to do. So asking questions to clarify is a really great way to kind of get over that feeling of overwhelm. Having trouble managing time, this is an can be a big one, or at least the perception of having trouble of managing time, and I'll go into the example in a second. And then doubting your ability or skills is another, I would say big, kind of underlying cause of procrastination. So in the scenario, you know, I said, Hey, so you know what, what's going on? And he went into this whole thing about well, I wait till the last minute and did it and I said, Will you do this over and over and he goes, Yeah, I go, well then create a process. surround it. I said, you know, give yourself a timeline to back into. And you know, you should know by now how long it typically takes you to do it, I said, but the problem is, is you wing it every time. And so in your mind, you're calling yourself and beating yourself up for procrastinating, when in reality, it's because you don't necessarily have a process that you can say you follow. The other thing too that I found, where I used to kind of say I was a procrastinator. And this goes all the way back to college, when I would write a paper literally the night before. But what I've realized in the past, probably four or five years is this is actually just my creative process. This is how I work I do a lot in my head before my fingers hit a keyboard to actually put it into visualization. So it's definitely there. There's a lot to dive into in procrastination, is procrastination, the actual self sabotage? Or is it maybe the lack of some of these other components like having your own process to work by so that you know exactly when you need to start it? What your what your components of your process are for delivering it, and then how long it'll take you to do? Or is it that you need clarification, and really asking questions up front versus just trying to figure it out on your own, that isn't procrastination, that is a process that you can put in place to be a little bit more in control, I would say of what you're working on. And then the doubting your abilities and skills, you know, go learn, oh my gosh, you can find everything out there, you can ask people, you know, it's about speaking up. And it's about you know, kind of doing that due diligence. And if you know that you're going to always be challenged with I got to learn something new, every time I do this, whatever it is, then have that process in place that you got to go do your research before you start that whole project or that process. So procrastination, I feel like is one that we we do so much self sabotaging, we create so much stress for ourselves, but let's break it down. And let's really try to figure out how to create some processes for ourselves. And really what makes us tick, and what is our creative working style, so that we don't just blame it on procrastination, we actually accept what it is because it's very liberating. When you say, Hmm, it's not procrastination. That's the way I work. And that's good. And I know how I work. And so I'm good with that. And I'm not going to beat myself up over those picking fights. Okay, so this is an interesting one, I see this happening at times where, you know, something might be going good with a relationship or something might be going good with a team and all of a sudden, somebody stands up and picks a fight. And, you know, one thing is they could be doing things to provoke reactions, they are always kind of ready to argue, even when it's not something that's important to them. It's just always an argument mode. And you know, really, ultimately, it is about you know, kind of taking things more personally or getting offended more easily whether something is actually directed at you or not. And then it's it's really having a hard time talking about feeling so, especially when you're upset, kind of the resorting to snarky comments or passive aggressive communication is definitely one of these I would say components of picking fights. And it is self sabotaging. Because ultimately, it either holds everybody in this current space where you are in time, doesn't allow you to move forward, or it creates further and further distance between you and someone else from a relationship perspective. Trouble stating your needs. So having a hard time speaking up for yourself. And this goes in every component of life, family, work, friends, relationships, everyday interactions, really, when you don't, and you can't, and you have a hard time stating your needs, you're ultimately sabotaging any progress that you might want to make any maybe I would say smoothness or flow that could happen. And let's say an assignment or project that you're working on, if you're basically not showing, here's what I need, then you're definitely going to continue with those struggles. And I would also put this into not enforcing healthy boundaries. So let's say you set boundaries around your schedule at work or around, not working on the weekends or around not working at night on your phone. But others you know, continue to do when they have time, respond to an email, send an email out, and you don't enforce your healthy boundaries. Now you're responding to them at 10 o'clock at night. You're doing these things that they sabotage you and ultimately what happens you resent them and yourself because you're not holding and enforcing those boundaries. So putting yourself down, this is a big one. And I see this a lot. I think a lot of us do this. I know I do this too. When you don't meet your own standards. You know when there's negative self talk running in your head, I call my inner critic Fred, you'll read about him in my book, it's very self sabotaging. Because you could end up ultimately, kind of set some expectations for yourself always higher than others, right? And if you don't meet them, guess what the first thing you're gonna do is you're gonna say, Oh, well, you're not good enough, or, you know, I didn't think you would be able to actually do that. And this is yourself telling yourself this. But would you actually tell somebody else this like, especially I'd say, a five year old child? No, you wouldn't. So we talk to ourselves very harshly, we're always putting ourselves down and putting ourselves down, can actually lead to believing that criticism, and it can promote, basically an attitude of self defeat and self defeat. There's no motivation in that at all. Like, it's really hard to get out of that. So when when you think about the impact, putting yourself down, does and has on you over and over and over again, it can, it can lead to some severe and serious confidence, self esteem issues, and really, really hold you back. So we can change that we can definitely and I'm going to do probably a whole separate segment solo segment on negative self talk. And you know, there is a way to shift that and change that to more positive. But being able to recognize it and stop the pattern is the trick. That's really the key. So self awareness is really important. having the courage and the just the the desire to want to stop it and shift it and stop in its tracks is really, really important. So why do we do all of this? What are what are the reasons that we do this, I'm going to go into, you know, just some quick, I would say perspectives and different perspectives on this. And then just some quick maybe tricks and tips to halt or stop or rewire or rewrite some of the self sabotaging behaviors that we have. So what can cause self sabotage and I mentioned this a few times, our childhood patterns and traumas. So you know, there are definitely things that may not have even been traumatic, but definitely could have been patterns in your childhood, that imprinted on your subconscious, and they come up and it was a way that you were able to either get attention survive, have a healthy relationship, or what you thought was healthy, in your mind, receive love. And in so many other things feel good about yourself. And those patterns then come into adulthood. Also past relationship dynamics. So let's say with one of your parents, you had a very people pleasing type of relationship with them, like you never wanted to disappoint them, that can definitely carry forward into adulthood, your fear of failure. So let's say your parents were all about, you have to get straight A's, that creates a fear of failure that creates lack of self esteem, that also creates a it's all about the external, not about the internal efforts somebody puts into something. And so however, your fear of failure comes up for you. This is definitely something that can, is a component of and is a self sabotaging behavior, but it definitely is a cause. And then back to control. So that need for control that need for certainty, it definitely is really a contributor to a lot of the self sabotaging behaviors. And you know, to get out of that it's really to become vulnerable. It's really about finding your vulnerability in situations. So I like to think of self sabotage as like a self fulfilling prophecy. So you think, therefore you do, therefore it happens, therefore, you prove what you thought was correct. However, when you know the self sabotage becomes an act of self preservation. It's because you are just not ready maybe to face a challenge. And that can actually be a positive. So you know, there there is a, I think, a good thing to the self fulfilling prophecy when you're just not ready for something. But when you are, it is all about, you're creating this cycle, you're creating this loop of well, I knew I was right, because I thought it to begin with, and then you took the actions that were you know, based on those thoughts, and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So if you think of it from that perspective, that might help a little bit as well. And then I wanted to call out a recent book that I read, called the big leap and it's by gay Hendricks. And in here he explains that we tend to set ourselves kind of this up limit, whether it is in career, maybe our creative expression or in relationships. And what happens is as we expand and tap into our inner genius, and our unique abilities, we can come up against our upper limit. And this is something we you know, kind of subconsciously set. And when we hit that upper limit, we awaken fears, and we begin the self sabotage process. Instead, he suggests that we identify and push past the upper limit, till we allow ourselves to sit in success for a while, because we don't know what success is until we're actually there. And if we never allow ourselves to sit and success and experience that how do we know when we've actually gotten there, right. So we have to be able to feel it and then this otherwise we're just going to continue to bump up against the upper limit. And when I explain this in the way he explained this, I highly recommend the book it brought so much to realization of we do set these upper limits for ourselves, I don't sometimes we blame them on the systems and sometimes we blame them on the policies and sometimes we blame them on you know, the the structure, but ultimately, we put them in our head, we we set those limits for ourselves. And the other thing is, is that back to failure of success failure, fear of success, rather fear of outshining others, fear of, you know, maybe when things are going good, that they're gonna go bad, how many times have people thought about that, and I know Bernie brown writes about that a lot in her books. And I think it's just a really interesting concept. And it's also one of the ways that I feel, we can actually start to maybe identify when we're doing these self sabotaging behaviors. So if you're willing and able to get uncomfortable and identify self sabotage, there is I would say, there are a couple things that you can do. One is really kind of identify, I don't like to use the word trigger, but kind of identifying what sets you off maybe, is, you know, relating back to something in childhood. So let's say whenever somebody was getting yelled at in your house, you would shy away you would back off you did not like being in the conflict and you did not want to be yelled at so now whenever you know somebody's yelling, and it doesn't even have to be directed at you you kind of shut down just like you did as that child self. There are other ways to like boredom and boredom hit create this maybe desire to binge watch on Netflix boredom can create a desire to go eat when you're not really hungry. Fear can create a lot of I would say triggers or things that sets you off as well and that's a really big one and then things when they're going well that can also be a trigger so we go Wait a minute, wait wait wait things are going well something the shoe has got to drop on the other foot When is that going to happen? And these are types of things that will trigger us to now go into self sabotage mode.

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